What makes you you?

By the time I was born, almost everything that makes me me had been decided on my behalf: my name, gender, nationality, family, religion, how I looked like etc. I grew up and started making sense of who I am in comparison to others. In some ways I was very lucky… much less in other ways. I felt that people were judging who I am based on these factors, none of which I did choose. I used to say: where is my choice and agency in the middle of all this? can I decide what makes me me? If I change my name, gender, abandon my family, change my religion etc. would that make me more me?

Today, I like to think that I am wiser. Today I know that my identity is much more than all this. What makes me me are my choices and actions. My choices of what to do with what life has given me and how to overcome my challenges and limitations. I am me because of how I face hardships and how I behave when life is good to me. People can certainly judge me on these things. They can also judge me on how I treat others; those who are more fortunate than me and those less fortunate or more vulnerable.

Today I do not take my gender, nationality or religion etc too seriously. I respect all of that of course, and I love my family very much. What makes me me is perceiving that genders are equal, that political borders do not mean much. What makes me is respecting all religions without following any of them. I could have been born as a Christian woman in Ghana, a Hindu man in India, a Buddhist in China… and so on. I could have been born richer or poorer. I could have had great benefits because of where I was born, I could equally have died when I was five due to lack of clean water in my community.

What makes me is the struggle everyday to become a better person, to learn. What makes me me is the guilt I feel when I think I hurt someone unintentionally. So many things make me me, none of these things were determined before I was born. I decide everyday what makes me me.

What makes you you?