Am I Brave?

So I jumped from a plane some 13,000 feet altitude from the ground. I did it!!! Skydiving has always been on my wish list and I have finally done it. I thought I would get cold feet just before the jump and call it off. Once I got on the plane, I was determined and ready. I looked at the view from the plane’s door and was excited but not scared. It felt amazing and passed quickly like a dream. I am grateful for the pictures and video for reminding me that it has actually happened. I posted the pictures on social media and got many compliments from friends and family. ‘You are so brave!’ everyone kept saying. Oh am I brave?… maybe …wow… I never considered myself to be so. I dared and pushed myself once but does that make me BRAVE? How come I can jump out of a plane yet still be scared of things that may or may not happen in the Future?! This jump has challenged my beliefs about my capabilities and bravery.

The instructor with whom I did the jump had jumped 7 times earlier that day. I thought he must be so brave. I asked him: does that mean there is nothing in life that scares you? He laughed: not at all, I am scared of many things…! Two weeks after the jump, I am still excited and feel more confident. Yet, I am still scared of many things. I still have health anxiety. I am still super anxious about the possibility of something bad happening to my family or loved ones.

I am now thinking that probably every person is brave on some level despite their fears. Not everyone would jump out of a plane, but many have confronted difficult situations in their lifetimes which require so much courage. Things that I find a 1000 time more terrifying than skydiving. Things that we do not choose to experience: those who faced the death of their children… those who delt with heartbreak… those who survived cancer… those who live with critical conditions…. those who lost everything and had to start all over again ….those who been through wars and famines….my mother who had to raise three kids on her own after my father suddenly passed away. The examples are endless.

Alright! so my take away is that we can be brave and scared at the same time; these are not mutually exclusive. This is part of the human experience. We are navigating mixed emotions of fear and courage almost every day in our lives. I still have 999 fears to conquer but now I know that my limits are farther than I had thought. I will test my courage every now and then. I will remind myself to face my fears…one by one.

Coaching Transforms

We all have goals, dreams, concerns, and fears. We can address them or do nothing at all!

Coaching helps us find all the answers we need for ourselves! It believes in our ability to solve our own challenges…and helps us to find solutions within and seek support when needed! Coaching is non-judgmental, positive, and forward looking. Other forms of support like mentoring, counselling and therapy are all useful but serve different purposes.

Coaching helps people to articulate their goals and to prioritise them; to reflect on their realities and available options (it also pushes people for more ‘creative’ options); to choose the best option and to decide on an action plan.

The beauty of coaching is that it helps people increase awareness of their abilities, of the options available to them, of the alternatives, of their values and limiting beliefs. Coaching also increases people’s commitment to themselves and their chosen goals.

The role of the coach is to listen, to encourage (sometimes to challenge), and to ask the right questions, to ensure that the Goal is clear and the action plan is SMART. Finally, the coach ensures that the person takes responsibility of the goal and the action they chose. The coach is a facilitator not a magician, yet the process is magical. It truly transforms people’s lives.

Happiness Vs Experience

In one of my inspiring conversations with my good friend Alma, she said ” the purpose of life is the experience not happiness!”

If we accept this theory, then hardships in our life become more bearable. Many of us desire happiness as the ultimate state of being and naturally perceive sadness as an undesirable state. If happiness is our goal, and happiness is not easily attainable, then we are most likely to be often disappointed and frustrated.

We regularly experience a wide variety of feelings and emotions which include happiness, sadness, pain, anger, fear, loneliness, guilt, shame, love, hate, lack, abundance, jealousy, pride, kindness, betrayal, empathy, love, hate, optimism, pessimism etc etc etc. If we accept that the purpose of life is to experience all these emotions to some extent, then we will become more resilient during difficult times (or when we experience the less desired feelings ).

What do you think ? please comment below : )

FOMO no more in the age of lockdown!

I felt a sense of calm and peace two weeks into the lockdown. I was a bit surprised by that given the uncertainty and the fear for the safety of loved ones etc. I thought I would struggle in isolation since I enjoy being outside with friends and hardly stay in. I could not fully explain the source of this tranquillity but decided to embrace and enjoy it while it lasts. Today during an extended call with a friend, I realised that maybe this is due to a reduced level of FOMO.

I came across the notion of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) in recent years. It is described as “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. When I first came across it, I felt a light bulb moment!!! It finally put a name to a feeling I used to have without being able to define it or put my fingers on it.

On reflection, FOMO contributed to my inability to focus and to the fact that I was easily distracted. I often had a feeling that I am not necessarily using my time in the best possible way, or doing the most entertaining activity, or going to the best events, etc. Living in a great city like London or New York, makes FOMO more likely to happen since so many things are happening at the same time. There are thousands of restaurants and bars to go to, hundreds of cultural and arts events every year, countless offers and promotions expiring the next day etc. Prices keep creeping up, so if you want to travel by train or plane, you should really book way in advance. Friends buy tickets to events a year in advance and sometimes earlier. Tickets sell out in matters of minutes. You need to be prepared, you need to have done your research, you need to have organised your calendar with your friends. Otherwise, you feel like you are missing out… or in best case scenario getting what you want for extra prices! stressful!

FOMO is definitely exacerbated by social medial. All you need to do is a quick look at Instagram or Facebook to see people (those you know or complete strangers) doing more exciting stuff, visiting exotic destinations, and eating yummier food. Most people, no matter how centred they are, would compare their experiences to those of others. This might trigger a feeling of frustration, missing out, or even a sense of inferiority.

Most of the world today is in lockdown. No one is travelling, and all events are taking place online. the lucky ones among us have a home to stay during lockdown.There are less thing to miss out on, and many things to be grateful for. This is a time to go back to basics; a time of reflection on questions like : what am I truly missing? what are my values? what do I really enjoy doing? how do I like to spend my time and with whom? what events are meaningful to me? etc.

When the lockdown is over, I want to be resilient to FOMO. I hope to emerge more focused, grounded and centred.

The Daunting Thoughts

In self-isolation, each one of us will go through a journey. Lots of ups and downs! We will reflect and learn a lot about ourselves, priorities, and life. We will have to face our fears and worries. Our busy lives allowed us to evade our worries and to hide them in the back of our minds…but now they will creep back up and face us.

Now, it’s an opportunity to face our worries and to do something about them!… or at least to accept them and learn how to live with them . Crises give new perspective and allow us to get in touch with our souls and priorities. Use this time wisely! it might be a gift in disguise.

Good luck to everyone facing their worries and may we all come out victorious!

Stay well everyone x

Ideas for a happy and productive quarantine!

Most of us complained about how hectic our lives have become , and wished for more hours during the day to achieve better work-life balance. Many of us claimed that we were too busy to do the things we really like, that we could not slow down to enjoy and take it easy. Well, Corona virus is anything but good news , yet it is forcing us to slow down. We can try to make the most of our time while locked at home until this global nightmare ends. No one knows how long this disaster will hover over our heads! It could last for three weeks or three months or more. So here is a list I made with ideas on what to do while at home:

1- Looking after ourselves and those near and dear to us is essential! Then, we could look out for those who are less lucky : the elderly who don’t have support in our community (or extended family), the homeless who don’t have a place to go or soap and water to wash their hands, the hourly paid service-provider, and other vulnerable groups in our communities etc.

2- catch up with friends and family ( virtually): we always blame our busy lives for losing touch, well this is our opportunity! No excuses ! Scroll down your contact lists and reach out to old friends or family members with whom you lost contact. Call them (or write to them) and be proactive, it’s worth it 🙂

3- catch up on your passions : whether it is drawing , reading or watching movies, there is more time for all of that now. Don’t blame time, you have no one to blame if you don’t make use of this time to do something you like.

4- exercise : the internet is full of ideas of simple and effective home exercises that don’t require any equipment. Exercise daily! It positively impacts your immunity and enhances your mood 🙂

5- manage your data : organise the data you have on paper, on your mobile and laptop etc : backup important photos and contacts , and delete repeated photos from your gallery. Update your profiles on social media and LinkedIn etc.

6- cook creatively : try new recipes to match the food and ingredients you managed to buy or store. Involve your family members if possible and have fun.

7- Travel: take a virtual tour of 12 amazing museums around the world for free.

Continue reading “Ideas for a happy and productive quarantine!”

Corona-Virus: are we too fragile?

The way Corona-virus (AKA Covid19)affected our lives shows how fragile our world is. Countries locked down, people isolated and divided from loved ones, irrational stockpiling, racism, panic, media frenzy, financial markets crushing down etc.

This shows how fragile we are and how fragile our systems are. Everything is interlinked and things could change so quickly. This demonstrates how interconnected we all are! All the problems we are facing are interlinked: global warming and the environment, armed conflicts, refugees crises, poverty, and other health diseases. Each of these issues affect all of us directly or indirectly, sooner or later…yet we do not react the way we did with Corona. Thousands of children die everyday of poverty and malnutrition, millions die of car accidents, diseases and other causes. Refugees who lost their homes and livelihoods are stuck on the borders of richer countries waiting for a lifeline. Any of that could happen to any of us. Why are we not more empathetic, where is human solidarity?

Today more than ever, we should be reminded that our struggles are similar and that we are all on the same boat. Our enemies are not people who look different from us, speak a different language, or hold different passports. Our enemies are not people who believe in different Gods or pray differently. Today, we should be reunited against our common enemies: diseases, tyranny, poverty, extremism, natural disasters, greed..etc

We have every right of being scared of Corona, it is a nightmare! and I hope we get over it very quickly with no or the least possible human losses. I hope one good thing could come out of this disaster…more human solidarity and empathy on this crazy planet.

I don’t hear you!

Do we listen to understand or to answer? A repetitive, yet very important, question!

When I started my life-coaching diploma, I was asked: “are you a good listener?” I I did consider myself to be a good listener, but I did not want to sound arrogant so I said “I am an OK listener but I can always improve”.

Coaching is about trusting that people can find all the answers they need for themselves and this requires exceptional listening skills. When I started coaching and listening to people during sessions, I realised that I was actually a bad listener. I listen to simplify, to categorise, to think about something smart to say, to relate, to judge….etc. but I rarely listen to truly understand the person speaking to me. I get distracted easily. I nod to show interest and engagement, but sometimes I am busy with my brain chatter or thinking about what I am doing next. “How disrespectful is that!!!!” I thought to myself “I will never be a good coach, I am a horrible listener!”.

Listening is an underrated skill and the foundation of good communication. We have two ears and one mouth, but most people (including me) speak much more than they listen, especially in an argument or during difficult conversations. Good listening is important for everyone on both the personal and professional levels.

Having awareness of my poor listening skills, was actually a good step forward. I noticed that when people state their goals in a coaching session, I start forming solutions in my head based on what I already know and expect that the ‘coachee’ would eventually reach the same solution. Listening carefully helped me to learn about the person and the underlying values and purpose behind their goals without jumping into any conclusion. I started to observe myself so that I don’t get distracted while people speak. I also trained myself not to think of the next question while people are still speaking. I know now that the next question will naturally flow from a good conversation.

Coaching has enabled me to be aware of my listening skills and to become a better listener. I now believe that becoming a good listener is a daily journey, like meditation, which requires continuous practice and focus. I am certain that better listening will help me grow as a coach and as a person.

In his book ‘The Light in the Heart’, Roy T Bennett says: “The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”

Flush your thoughts down… !

My mind has been overwhelmed with thoughts and concerns recently. I have not been able to sleep properly for a while. Last night lying in my bed pass midnight, I hoped for a button that could switch off my brain. I said to myself: that would have been awesome!

I started visualising the thoughts stuck on my brain convolutions and refusing to leave. Suddenly, a funny metaphor came to my mind: what if I could ‘flush my thoughts down‘ like a toilet would flush and get rid of all faeces?!

I visualised the thoughts turning and tumbling quickly like in a tornado before they disappeared down a hole. This gave me an instant relief and a clear mind for several minutes similar to a good meditation session. I really liked this mind trick, and will try it tonight or whenever needed as it did serve me well last night.

Please try it and let me know if it works for you, have a restful sleep everybody 🙂

I will be happy once my problems are solved !

I am now convinced when I meet a happy person, that they are carrying an equal amount of worries and problems on their shoulders as the next person does. Positive people can be happy despite the hardships they are facing.

I used to think that people who appear happy, do not have any worries (or problems) and that I can only be happy when my current problems are solved. The fact is, by the time my current problems are solved, new ones start to appear. There are times of relative calm and peace (between two storms) but then new worries, problems, concerns, arguments form like clouds in our lives. That’s life!

Happiness vs the appearance of happiness

I need to remind myself here that not everyone who appears happy is genuinely happy. Many people smile, talk and laugh and seem really happy, while they are actually depressed. Robin Williams, one of the greatest comedians of all time, was painfully depressed while he was entertaining the world with his jokes and laughter. This could be because some people do not like to share their problems, cannot communicate their feelings, do not want to burden others with their hardships, or simply want to keep appearances etc.

Happiness comes from the inside

People who are genuinely happy, are so from the inside in spite of everything happening around them. Much of the wisdom shared about happiness, suggests it comes from the inside instead of the outside. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Says Gandhi. Also the Dalai Lama says “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” Gandhi and Dalai Lama linked happiness with the harmony of our beliefs, words, and actions. Also, many psychologists are associating happiness with gratitude. A good article published by Harvard Medical School discusses that.

What is happiness?

To some people happiness is a state of euphoria (which is a state of intense excitement). This is not the happiness I am talking about. In fact, I believe that pursuing a state of constant euphoria is not feasible and possibly simplistic. By happiness, I mean a sense of joy and peace of mind. Also a sense of optimism and appreciation for life.

When will I be happy?

If I delay happiness until my problems are solved, knowing that new ones will naturally appear by then (or even before), then I will never be happy. I need to realise that no one can always be happy all the time, and that happiness comes from within. People who live the moment (and are not stuck by what happened in the past or worrying about what might happen in the future) are closer to being happy. In fact, all the times I could think of when I felt truly happy, were moments when I was present (enjoying the company of loved ones, travelling and exploring, pursuing my hobbies and passions), moments when I forgot my worries or when I decided not to focus on them.

What about you, when are you going to be happy?